How to Get Your Man to Talk to You

So how do you get your man to talk to you, especially when on average women speak 20,000 words per day and men only speak 7,000 words a day? First of all, don’t expect your man to want to talk as much as you do. It’s biological! Make sure you use up at least 16,000 words speaking to other people, like your girlfriends! Be a part of groups, clubs, etc. It’s actually a very good thing that he can’t fulfil all your needs and vice versa. Imagine if you were dependent on one person to fulfil your every need, and then they died. It would be a disaster!

Take an interest in the things he is interested in. So if he wants to talk to you about his mid-week hunting expedition, listen, without interrupting if possible! Or if he wants to watch ‘Grand Designs’ watch it with him without complaining. Instead of thinking about how these things may make you want to vomit or bore the life out of you, make an effort to appreciate his interest. Remember that you are interested in things that he couldn’t care less about too, like shopping and spending money. So when your hubby wants you to watch a YouTube video of people trying to steal bikes that are tied to trees, stop what you’re doing for a moment and notice that this is actually his way of trying to connect with you!

Take time to understand your differences. In ‘Laugh Your Way to A Better Marriage’ it talks about how men have a ‘nothing box’ in their mind. It’s their favourite box to open where they literally think about nothing! So if he’s sitting there and you ask him what he’s thinking about and he says nothing, it’s true. Also take note of The Five Love Languages book which talks about physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service and gifts. My hubby is an acts of service person and would do anything for me. My love language is food and was sadly left out of the book!  But if I had to pick one it would be words of affirmation, however I don’t receive compliments from my hubby too often. This doesn’t mean he’s an unloving jerk, it just means that he would rather build me a home than say I look beautiful. I could choose to get upset over this, or just appreciate that when he gets up at 4:30am to go to work to provide for our family, that is him showing his love. Instead of demanding he speak your love language, choose to do a bit of interpretation. And if I do get a nice compliment from time to time, it’s from the heart, rather than forced. Don’t criticise what he doesn’t do, appreciate the things he does do. He is who he is. It is what it is.

Relationships take time to grow. I once read in a marriage book that we should have a hobby that we both love so when our kids moved out we wouldn’t get divorced. Kids are an addition to a relationship, they shouldn’t be the glue that holds it together, because they won’t always be there. Anyway I was freaking out because we didn’t have a hobby and organised for us to play badminton, board games, date nights, etc. But we just never found our ‘hobby’ until recently. So our hobby is to go four wheel driving and camping and exploring remote places with mutual friends we both love! It only took us over a decade to figure it out, but now we spend lots of time talking about the places we’d like to go, planning holidays, and our interests have crossed over! When our kids have moved out, I’m sure we’ll still continue to go exploring together! So if you don’t have much in common yet, hang in there, sometimes, it just takes time.

So, remember talk to other people apart from your hubby to use up your 20,000 words! Take an interest in his interests, take time to understand your differences, appreciate what he does do and take the time to find a lifelong hobby that you both love, and you may find that he has a few thousand words to say to you! Wishing you a Happy Valentine’s Day!